The Tie that Binds: Examining the Intricate Connection Between Spiritual bypass and Spiritual Abuse

Being in connection with Christ is the core of spirituality. God's word is clear that God desires a connection with mankind, His children. Beginning with the creation of Adam and Eve and continuing through Christ's death, burial, and resurrection, man has had the chance to have a close relationship with Him. However, what happens when actions threaten to disintegrate the tie that binds us to the Lover of our souls?

 The Tie that Binds

Spirituality is "a quest for the sacred” (Pargament, 2011). This quest can be found when we decide to follow Christ. An intimate relationship with Christ fosters spiritual development as well as the search for the sacred. Furthermore, God has expressed His ultimate desire: a connection with His children. According to John 3:16 "For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." In his letter to the Romans, Paul says, "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8). God's desire to connect with people is clear in His Word, and when humanity engages with Him, spirituality thrives.

Once we come to know Christ, we are his. We cannot be plucked from the Father’s hand (John 10:28). However, there can be danger to the relationship. This may occur through spiritual bypass that may result in spiritual abuse which may drive a wedge between us and Christ.

 Connection between Spiritual Bypass and Spiritual Abuse

While there is no universally accepted definition of spiritual abuse, existing definitions indicate it as the act of a person in a position of authority imposing on or weakening the spiritual freedom of a person searching for guidance or support, which may result in exploitation of an individual by another individual who utilizes damaging spiritual strategies (Cashwell & Swindle, 2018; Johnson & Van Vonderen, 1991). These methods include coercion, control, manipulation, exploitation, repression, demands for secrecy and/or silence, misinterpretation of religious texts to manipulate behavior, isolation, breaching and denying fundamental spiritual freedoms, and even the justification of physical abuse as manifestations of spiritual abuse; additionally, these components may be displayed physically, financially, sexually, emotionally, or mentally (Baker, 2019; Cashwell, 2011). Furthermore, these qualities may be used covertly or overtly (DeGroat, 2020; Langberg, 2020).

In my research of spiritual bypass, participants conveyed many of the aforementioned methods found within spiritual abuse to also be a part of their experience with receiving spiritual bypass. Additionally, participants’ language used to describe their experience conveyed a damaging impact. Words such as weaponization, intimidation, abuse, and fear are few of the words participants used to describe their experience of receiving spiritual bypass. Below is a table listing the characteristics of spiritual abuse and how many participants described these same elements in receiving spiritual bypass.

The scriptures mentioned from participants that were misused toward them are also listed for reference along with how they were misused.

 Additionally, using participants’ words from their interviews, the table below was developed. The outcomes listed are from the literature on spiritual abuse. The x’s displayed are what participants conveyed as outcomes of their experience in receiving spiritual bypass. As you can see, the use of spiritual bypass toward individuals correlated with spiritual abuse outcomes.

There is no denying the impact of receiving spiritual bypass. It is just as harmful today as it was when Jesus addressed the Pharisees and Sadducees on such matters. To stop the harmful pattern, we must be willing to hold ourselves accountable to not commit the act as well as set boundaries so that we do not tolerate receiving it. In doing so, we provide ourselves and others the opportunity to experience the freedom that God has called us to live (Gal. 5:1).