Healing from the Inside Out: Five Ways to Heal from Spiritual Bypass

One of the deepest wounds we experience is a soul wound. It is a wound that requires healing from the inside out. And it is not a quick healing. It takes acknowledgement, time, grieving, accountability, and forgiveness. None of these actions are easy to complete, but they are necessary for healing.

The Inside Out Journey

             The summer before my freshman year of high school, a neighbor and I tried to set up a badminton net. We pulled out all the things including the poles that needed to go into the ground to hold the net. These poles looked like giant spears! And they became so, especially for my foot. During a Louisiana summer, two teens trying to get a spear in the ground was not working well. I decided to try a different stance to gain momentum and see if I could get the pole in the ground. When I did, I totally missed the ground, but nailed my foot!  

My mom had to be called from work, and I was taken to the hospital for stitches. I received seven stitches and six weeks of doing nothing. That was miserable. After the allotted time for the stitches to be in, we went to the doctor to have them removed. He did so, and I went home. All seemed well, until the wound reopened. While it had healed externally, it had not healed properly from the inside out. And a new round of healing had to begin.

  While you may not have speared yourself, you may have experienced someone wielding the spear of spiritual bypass and cutting you deeply. You may have experienced words, actions, and behaviors that cut deep to the soul, that leave a gaping wound. And you may try to put on the happy face, the everything-is-fine face, the I-need-to-pray-harder face, when all the while your soul is bleeding from wounds of receiving spiritual bypass. These wounds cannot be healed on the surface with a few stitches (i.e. more prayer, more scripture reading, more mantras). They must be healed from the inside out.

 Five ways to Heal from Spiritual Bypass

1)    Acknowledgement 

We cannot heal what we will not acknowledge. And, sometimes acknowledging what happened brings painful realizations. It may require us to reevaluate some of our relationships, our beliefs, and more. There is nothing easy about acknowledging our pain; however, it is a necessary step to start the healing process.

There are a few ways you can implement acknowledging your experience with spiritual bypass: talking to someone (i.e. a safe person, a professional counselor), journaling your experience, and validating your experience through self-compassion. This is not an exhaustive list, but it may provide you an opportunity to begin acknowledging your experience.

2)    Time

  We love time when it provides us all the fun things in life, but for grieving, healing, and other such activities, we are not a fan of time. We want that over and done with NOW. Unfortunately, that is not how healing works.

  When you have deep wounds that are healing from the inside out, it will take more time than you want to give for them to heal. Acknowledging the pain, allowing yourself to experience the truth of your experience, will allow you to move forward in your healing rather than remaining stuck because you continue to deny your experience. Feel it to heal it.

 3)    Grieving

There is no easy way to grieve. It will hurt, but it will also provide you movement drawing you closer to healing. You may grieve the loss of relationships, the idea of who you thought the person who committed the spiritual bypass was, what you thought ministry might look like, or what you thought a relationship with God would be. Each of these losses will require grieving. And, you cannot hurry the grieving process no more than you can make time hurry up.

  Grieving is necessary for healing because it allows you to experience your hurt rather than deny it. As you process your loss, you also pave a new path to experience healthy relationships, healthy spirituality, and a healthy understanding of God and His truths.

4)    Accountability

Accountability is for not only the person committing the act of spiritual bypass, but also for the person receiving it. The person who has been wounded can provide feedback to the one who delivered it allowing that individual an opportunity to correct the wrong. Additionally, the person who received the spiritual bypass can be accountable to him/herself to set boundaries so that he or she does not have to tolerate the act.

At times, someone may use spiritual bypass unintentionally. This does not mean the pain received is any less. However, people cannot fix the issue when they do not know what they have done. You may be thinking, “Shouldn’t they know they have done this?” We would like that to be true; yet, many do not know because they were not taught how to use God’s words and truths properly, or they are modeling what has been taught to them. Therefore, when you receive spiritual bypass, setting a boundary will allow you to express your hurt and provide the other person an opportunity to learn and grow from their mistake.

  There are caveats to this though. If you are in a toxic, volatile dynamic with someone who is using spiritual bypass continually toward you, you may not be able to confront them because it will harm you more. In these instances, you may have to walk away and trust the Holy Spirit to do the work necessary in that person’s life to produce change.

 5)    Forgiveness

Forgiveness is no easy task, but a required one. God calls us to forgive (Ephesians 4:32). Neither you nor I can get around that. However, forgiveness does not mean reconciliation with a person, nor does it mean that we condone a behavior. It means we are choosing (and forgiveness is an intentional act) to release our hurt and continue moving toward healing for our own growth.

  I struggled with forgiveness in my own experience with spiritual bypass and spiritual abuse for years. And part of the dynamic that made it difficult for my healing was I had to see those who hurt me regularly. It was a wound that fell open on a continual basis. I felt stuck. One day while being in the environment where I endured most of my hurt and witnessing these individuals still thrive, I was becoming enraged. But God stepped in and provided me this truth: “You do not have to like them. You do not have to be their friend. However, you do have to honor me in how you treat them.” From that day forward, I felt I had momentum in my healing. I was no longer holding onto how they had hurt me, I was no longer stuck. I was moving through the healing process and practicing forgiveness to be the healthiest person I could be.

  You forgiving those who have hurt you at the deepest level does not excuse their behavior. It allows you to move forward in healing, to experience wholeness in body, mind, and soul.

Conclusion

  Your journey may have more pain than you can pen. You may feel like healing is beyond you. It is not. Your journey can be full of healing, hope, joy, and more. You do not have to endure the journey alone either. Acknowledging your pain, finding someone to talk to, allowing yourself time and grieving as well as practicing accountability and forgiveness can help you heal from the deepest wounds of spiritual bypass. Let your healing begin.