Soul Cravings Series: Sustaining Survival

I cannot tell you how many times I have heard someone say, “I feel like I am just existing,” “I feel numb,” or “I am just surviving.” We know that we are meant to experience more, but the experiences appear to always be out of reach. We clamor to be known, to feel, to experience something to let us know we are alive. I have been there, and maybe you have been too.

Survival Mode

Because of the possible experiences in our lives that have resulted in trauma and/or attachment issues, we find ourselves in constant survival mode. This is a soul wound that will not close. It demands attention and constantly fires a message for us to do so. Because our wounds have demanded we be in survival mode, we do not know how to live outside of it. In fact, to live, to experience peace, hope, and love can even feel very chaotic and uncomfortable because our mind, body, and hearts do not know what to do with those experiences.

It was almost like I was watching life happen while I stood still. I felt like a shell of myself. I robotically did what I needed to for work and to keep breathing, but outside of that, I merely existed. In another unhealthy relationship, I found myself awake at 3:00 a.m. facing two options: I could end my life or I could get some help. I opted for the help route, but it was painful. Not only because I was bringing up so many wounds for cleaning, but also because calm, peace, and hope felt scary.  

Because I knew how to survive, environments that required survival appeared “normal” to me. Essentially, I was recreating my childhood experiences over and over. I was accustomed to my brain being on high alert. Therefore, when I experienced manipulative and coercive tactics or spiritual bypass from others, it was difficult to identify these components and their impact. However, as my healing continued, I was able to see what was really happening and made a choice to face the risk of losing my job, friendships, or romantic relationships in exchange for truly living.

How to Live instead of Survive

Living when we have only known survival can appear beyond our reach. We observe other people’s ability to live and succumb to believing that is not an option for us. While this anything, but true, it appears to be our reality. However, there are ways we can step out of survival and into living.

1)    Acknowledgement

Jesus tells us in John 10:10 that he has called us to live life to the fullest. However, our survival mode often has us ignoring our wounds that lead us to deprived living. We cannot change this if we are not acknowledging this. To do something different, experience something different, we must recognize that what we are doing is not working. We can do this in small steps that are attainable and sustainable.

Acknowledging may be recognizing the turmoil our bodies, hearts, and minds are experiencing. Maybe it is lack of sleep, lack of appetite, uncontrollable emotions, intrusive thoughts, or withdrawal and isolation. These signs are signs of wounding. When we take time to acknowledge them, we begin the groundwork for healing them. This does not mean we must do a complete overhaul in what we do. It means we notice and honor where we are. In doing this, we can move toward other steps without becoming overwhelmed.

2)    Acceptance

Acceptance is twofold: accepting what has happened to us that has led us to survival mode and accepting help from those that can lead us to healing. Neither is easy but necessary for full living.

When we accept our wounds, our pain, we experience David’s cries in Psalm 6:2a, “Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am faint; heal me, Lord, for my bones are in agony. My soul is in deep anguish. How long, Lord, how long?” I have cried, whispered, and screamed this out during my times of healing. However, this is not where David or my cries ended. And neither will it be for you.  

In accepting where he is, the pain he is experiencing, David releases his pain to the Lord, “Turn, Lord, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love” (Psalm 6:2b). Accepting our wounds as well as accepting help from others, we experience the beauty of releasing our pain, our wounds, to be cleansed and healed.

3)    Surrender

As stated previously, surrendering can elicit fear, worry, and a host of other emotions. Because we have become accustomed to living in survival, healing our wounds may feel like we are doing something wrong, or “missing” something in our lives. Surrendering what we have known, no matter how painful or unhealthy it might be, appears overwhelming. However, again, small steps will allow us to experience tastes of peace, hope, and living life to the fullest allowing us to embrace this new way of living.

2 Timothy 1:7 is a declaration we can all proclaim as we practice surrender, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” Many of us have lived in fear for most of our lives, but we no longer have to! As we go through the processing of surrender, we experience the power and love of God’s healing. Sometimes that healing will come through other people, a therapist, or the Holy Spirit or all of these. Additionally, as we encounter healing, we can trust our body, heart, and mind. We can be of sound mind embracing the clarity of ourselves, our world, and our relationships.

Final Thoughts

Acknowledgement, acceptance, and surrender are not easy for the wounded. We know wounds, but peace, hope, and living life to the fullest appears foreign. It no longer has to be. We can practice healing in small steps that lead to giant leaps of living as we are able to relax in the truth that “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3).  

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Five Lessons in Learning to Lament

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Soul Cravings Series: Bears and Boundaries