What are You Tying Yourself to?
When I was in fifth grade, I participated in the three-legged race for field day. All seemed fine tied together with this other person. And then the race started. I found myself out of step with my partner and tripping. I got back up, but needless to say, we did not win. On our own we might have been fine, but being tied to someone else was a disaster. Sound familiar?
I wish I could tell you that the three-legged race was my only disastrous tethering incident. Unfortunately, because of my low self-worth and value, I found myself often tying myself to people, things, and accomplishments to determine my worth and value. I would be on a “high” one day because someone liked me, or I did something really well. But then the next day came. And like the three-legged race, I found myself tripping unable to gain my footing because I was not praised or did not accomplish something I, or others, wanted.
Maybe like me, you have, or are, experiencing this as well. Our worth has become a yo-yo following the ups and downs of those around us or our accomplishments. Internally we feel a war happening because nothing is certain or stable, including our worth. However, this does not have to be the way we experience life.
How to Break the Ties that Bind
1) Acknowledge the soul wound
Often, we are seeking worth from others because we did not receive it from caregivers. As children, it is our caregivers’ job to produce a sense of worth within us through their reassurance, hope, validation, and love. However, when that does not occur, we are left guessing if we are “worth” it or not.
Acknowledging this wound allows us to heal. We cannot heal what we do not feel. We cannot heal a wound if we do not tend to it. Psalm 147: 3 states, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” God desires us to bring our wounds to him, but we can only do so when we are willing to acknowledge them.
2) Assess what you are tying your worth to
This is a challenging task. We may have tied our worth to so much for so long that we don’t even see the ropes anymore. Additionally, to know what our worth is tied to often requires us to do something different, and we have to know whether we are ready for that.
To assess for ties we need to complete the previous step and then take note of what we are experiencing internally when we around people, at places, or complete projects. Your body is a storyteller; pay attention to what it is telling you. For instances, does your heart race or stomach knot thinking that someone may not like or approve of what you have done? Do you feel rejected or abandoned when someone does not validate you? This may be an indication that we have tied our worth to something or someone.
Now, there is certainly nothing wrong with accepting compliments or enjoying the outcomes of something; however, when it becomes the way we seek our worth, we have given too much power to those people, places, and accomplishments.
3) Untying the knot
This can be frightening, if not flat out terrifying! The longer we have tied our worth to something or someone, the more terrifying it can be to untie ourselves from those people and things.
This will require strength. We will feel the war within us starting to rage as we begin the untying process. Therefore, we need to be cautious with the process. The goal is not to turn our world upside down in one cut; rather, it is to unwind these knots with the pace we need to so that we do not fall back into the need for those ties or become so dysregulated we cannot function.
To help navigate the fear that may accompany the untying proces, there are 356 verses that tells remind us courage is ours to have. There would be no need for courage unless there was fear was present. David did not hide the fact he was afraid, but neither did he hide his courage. Psalm 56:3 states, “When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.” Where did his courage come from? Tying himself to God. We can do the same, even if it is in small steps.
4) Tying ourselves to Christ
While we ought not tie ourselves to people and things of this world, we can tether ourselves to Christ, who is everlasting. He is constant. He never waivers in his love, his truths, his grace, or his mercies.
People and things of this world can change within a snap of our fingers. One minute they are praising us and the next, they are tearing us down. That is not true of Christ. His word has not changed in two thousand years, and it will not change today!
He has communicated our worth and value since the beginning of time:
Genesis 1:27 – we are made in God’s image
Psalm 139 – We are fearfully and wonderfully made
Jeremiah 31:3 – God has loved us with an everlasting love
Ephesians 2:10 – We are his workmanship, a masterpiece
Romans 5:8 – While we still sinners, Christ died for us
Luke 12:6-7 – God has numbered the hairs of our head; he knows us
1 Peter 2:9 – We are a royal priesthood, a people belonging to God
1 John 3:1 – He has lavished great love on us; we are called “Children of God”
These verses are certainly not all there are that speaks to what God thinks of us, but these can help us start cutting the ties to people and things around us knowing that the one tie we can have is eternal and never changing.
Final Thoughts
Our lack of self-worth and value can be a soul wound we need to acknowledge and begin to heal so that we can experience the worth Christ has given us. It will not be easy to untie the knots to others or things, but it will be worth it. We can begin the process knowing that God will never leave us nor forsake us (Hebrews 13:5) and nothing can separate us from His love (Romans 8:38-39).