&

The ampersand is a visual abbreviation for the conjunction “and.” This conjunction allows for pairs to be recognized, cohesiveness of concepts, and shows partnernerships. However, there are a few other uses for this representation.

Often we want life to be black and white and full of certainty. However, the only certainty we may receive is how uncertain life really is. While the “and” will not provide certainty in life, it will allow for peace, hope, and rest. These can be found in three ways: holding two truths, understanding the balance of truth and grace, and accepting the gray areas surrounding us.

1) Holding two truths

I often have clients who have difficulty reconciling events, tragdedies, trauma, feelings and more in their lives. Part of the difficulty is they wrestle with the “but.” For example, “My mom hurt me, but she did the best she could,” “My husband drinks, but he’s under a lot of stress,” or “I miss my loved one, but God works all things together.” While all this may be true, the “but” negates the first part of the statement. It works in more of black and white, rather than allowing for the gray, the “and.”

Reread the statements above, but replace the “but” with “and.” Did you notice a shift in you as you read the statement? Did you happen to notice if you felt a little more validated when you added the “and”? I have a wooden ampersand on my desk that is a reminder to me and my clients that there is space to hold two truths. I can both acknowledge that my mother did the best she could in her own pain, and she hurt me. I can both acknowledge that I was unhealthy in relationships because of my childhood experiences, and I hurt others. Our truths are sometimes hard to accept. However, once we accept them, we have an opportunity to reconcile, work through, the tension of those truths.

Holding two truths allows us to experience the reality of our circumstances, validate our feelings, and reach a place of acceptance of our experiences. We no longer have to deny what we experienced. We can state the truth and work towards balancing the truth and grace we need.

2) Balancing truth and grace

God is both a God of truth and grace. His word is full of instances of this. For example, Romans 5:8 states, “While were still sinners [truth], Christ died for us [grace].” Romans 5:23-24 also declares, “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God [truth], and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus [grace].” While Jesus offers this balance to us, we often become heavy handers.

We are good at either giving ourselves a whole lot of truth (which is sometimes extremely unhealthy) or a whole a lot of grace with no truth (which can also be unhealthy). If we focus just on truth, we may wind up judging ourselves so harshly that we cannot even live up to our own expectations. Additionally, we may turn that harshness towards others. On the other hand, if we focus just on giving ourselves grace, this may result in a lack of accountability. We may find ourselves defensive toward anyone that tries to provide us truth because we only allow ourselves grace. However, we have to have balance to have a healthy faith and healthy interactions with ourselves and other.

What does the balance of truth and grace look like: &. The “and” is how we balance truth and grace. For example, we are all human. We are all going to fail, make mistakes, do something wrong at some point. Sometimes we focus on the fault maybe telling ourselves “I did something wrong.” This may have some truth. We may have forgotten a bill, been snappy at someone, etc. However, if we focus just on truth, we never realize we can try again. On the other side, if we make a mistake and only focus on the grace, “Well, I did not mean to,” “I said I am sorry,” “It is what it is,” then we do not learn from that mistake and may even shift blame to the person we may have hurt or offended.

But when we balance the two, we have a chance of a different outcome. For instance, “I made a mistake, and I will try to better next time,” or “I did something wrong that hurt you, and I am sorry.” That feels and is received differently than, “I made a mistake, but I did not mean to.” The “and” matters. This balance also allows us to hold space for the gray areas in life.

3) The gray area

I have several friends who love math (Just for the record, I loathe, detest math. But I love my friends). They have even said part of their love for numbers is its certainty. Everywhere you go 2 + 2 will equal 4. Very black and white, very clean. If only life were this way.

The gray is the reminder of why we need both truth and grace. Paul expressed living in the gray, “Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness’” (2 Corinthians 12:8). Paul asked for the “thorns in the flesh” to be removed, but they were not. He lived with them and through them. While he was facing death, persecution, and more, he had to live in the gray that God was not going to remove whatever these thorns may have been; however, God would provide the strength to navigate the thorns. Paul accepted the gray and continued in the call God placed in his life.

The gray for us may look like “I have no control or choices.” As I write this, I have two friends battling cancer. They have no control over what is happening in their bodies. They are good people who love the Lord. We all have prayed for healing, and, yet, healing may not look like what our human mind can comprehend. Hence, the gray. Who knows how God will use this in their lives or how he may use them to change other people’s lives. But balancing this truth of no control with “I have a choice to trust in whatever healing God provides” or “I will trust that his grace is sufficient for me” is an opportunity to endure the circumstances. This does not make it easier or less painful. However, it does allow for freedom, peace, and hope through the circumstances.

I would love to end this with telling everyone how easy balancing truth and grace is. But that would be lie. It is difficult, aggravating, and sometimes exhausting. However, the outcome of peace, hope, and freedom is well worth the work of balance.