A Transparent Word

Life is full of trouble, as Jesus tells us in John 16:33. We have all experienced it, and may be experiencing it currently. None of us is “off limits” to the trouble this world supplies us. How we respond to this trouble, though, will give us an indication of our own spiritual, mental, and emotional growth. I certainly can attest to this.

                  As many of you know, I was working toward publishing a book. However, due to some question of legitimacy of the company, I have chosen to not follow through with the book deal. It is disheartening. I long, yearn, to share the message of spiritual bypass and spiritual abuse with God’s children so they can protect themselves and/or heal from the pain of those experiences if they have endured them. Therefore, letting that contract go was HARD. Yet, I have been oddly calm since identifying the trouble with the company as well as making the decision to withdraw from the contract. My response to this has made rejoice! It may seem crazy that I would rejoice amid this experience. However, through it, I have seen how God has redeemed my pain and allowed me growth through out all my life experiences.

The Response

 Over the last few days, I have done much self-reflection. I have done so not out of sadness, anger, or hopelessness, but out of this need to understand my calmness (crazy, huh?). I know that five, maybe even two years ago, this calmness was not present and would not have been my response. Most likely, I would have been frantic at the knowledge of discovering that something I trusted would possibly be false. Then, I would have been deeply saddened. Not saddened because I did not have a book deal but saddened that this loss would somehow speak to my value and worth. I would wrestle with the grieving and wanting to exact some type of justice. Moreover, this presumably would have consumed my mind to the point of not sleeping or being able to focus on my work with others.

However, may response to the events this week have been drastically different. I was saddened by letting this deal go, but also certain that this was the right decision. I sought wisdom and guidance from trusted godly individuals as well as through prayer and the Holy Spirit. In all these actions, the response I experienced was one of peace, courage, and strength.

The Difference

Self-reflection is a powerful tool. David states in Psalm 51:10, “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” Through my own troubles, through my own pain, God has stretched me and grown me, created a pure heart in me (and is still a work in progress!). Have I liked it? Not really. But has it been worth it? To not lose my peace this week, to walk in freedom of hope and joy, I would say yes, it has been worth it.

 God has shown me that he has been redeeming my pain. The experiences I have endured throughout my life has brought pain and, sometimes, my own responses exacerbated my pain. This week, though, I have seen how those experiences taught me something new and growth was the outcome.

 While I did not know what feeling I was having at first this week, I did know it was different than my previous responses. What I discovered just last night was the growth was my ability to experience freedom and hope, even amid my disappointment. I often speak of naming our feelings to tame our feelings. However, I have also learned that naming feelings, whether joyous or not, allows us to experience a peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7). In this peace, we can truly rejoice and be glad (Matthew 5:12).

Now What?

I do not know what the future holds for my book. But what I do know is that God is gracious. His peace and protection is amazing. I will continue to do what he has called me to do, “Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well” (Matthew 6:33). Whatever that looks like is what I will do. My hope for you  is that you also may experience the freedom, joy, and peace no matter what you are, or may be, facing so that you may experience, “The God of hope [who] may fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit” (Romans 15:13).